Busy

I’ve started stumbling when I walk, dropping things, making errors in my movement and speech. I’m exhausted, so I’m taking the time to rest. Whilst doing so, I’ve found myself nosing on a few people’s lives on social media. I’ve been craving connection without having to interact with others.

As I write this, I’m resting on my bed with my back supported by a pile of pillows. I find sitting in an upright position tiring. I find being around people (the good kind of) tiring, amid conversation or when you’re all taking time out on your phone. Lack of stimulation makes me droopy; my body starts sinking into the chair.

Instead of looking at snippets of people’s lives, I figured I’d take a nose into my own. I’m happy to admit that I’m my favourite person to lurk. This beats comparing your life to others any day.

I’m almost at the end of the counselling course I started in September. It’s a fast track, pilling nine months worth of studying into three. (It’s been intense). I’ve met some fantastic people. Anyone who wants to sit and examine traumas and different people’s coping mechanisms is my sort of person. Let’s be real, open, and honest and get right to the nitty-gritty stuff. No one on the course is a fan of small talk, and I love this. I also love that they have decided to train to be therapists. There will always be a need for counsellors, and this need is evergrowing.

Last night, everyone put their hands up to say they wanted to start the next level in January. Everyone but me. Another nine months crammed into three, with lots more independent study. I think it’s great that this is an option for people. It suits those who want to work hard and go through the levels quickly, to get to the part where they practice being a counsellor and become qualified. I love the course, I enjoy the independent learning, and the people are great, but I’m burnt out. 

I love being busy, but I took on too much in the last three months. My week currently looks like this: I volunteer for Scope (the disability equality charity) on two days. One morning, I play wheelchair tennis. Two days a week, every other week, I volunteer for a Talking Newspaper for the blind and partially sighted. One night I go to the counselling course. And then I fit everything else around this: The hours it takes to do counselling assignments. The regular cleaning and tidying of the house. The several medical appointments I have every month. Exercising. Sorting meals. Socialising. The list goes on.

I can’t work full time, and because of health reasons I’ve been out of work for years. So I’ve spent a lot of time saying to people, ‘I don’t know how you do it. How do you fit everything in? Full-time work plus all the other stuff?’ As the number of tasks in my week increased, I’ve found (as expected) things get missed off.

I’m focusing on resting and recharging. Making sure I can give my all to whatever I’m doing. I feel relieved at the decision to park the counselling lessons for a while, to allow for all the other aspects of life: people, recreation, headspace. And I appreciate this experience has helped me understand a little better what it’s like for everyone else to be tired from all you’re doing. When we’re out socialising, and someone is drooping like a flower after days of constant activity, I can finally relate.

If your life feels too much at the moment, I hope you take time to work out what you can drop. I hope you manage to fit in the things you want in your week. How you spend your days is how you spend your lives, after all.

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